


taking time

by atroxareia



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, M/M, Oikage Week, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-04-27 00:27:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14413719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atroxareia/pseuds/atroxareia
Summary: When it finally happens, Oikawa is surprised that it has taken so long.Falling for your rival surely is nothing short of pathetic.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was gonna write a one-shot, but I have no self-restraintdgsfhsdgf
> 
> Btw, this will be a non-traditional hanahaki fic, meaning I won't use that modern medicine extravaganza as cure for a "disease" so obviously magical, it tends to kinda.. ruin the mood for me when I read it myself even though the trope is ok by itself...

When it finally happens, it’s on a Saturday Oikawa will never be able to forget. He's invited by his friends to watch a game between two local teams, mostly a ploy to get him out of the slump he'd been recently, of which Oikawa couldn't fully figure out the reason. He sees through their plan immediately since the match isn't important enough for them to take a break from their own practice routine with tournaments closing in, but he's not as naive as  _someone_  to think that overworking is the key. He indulges his friends and says yes.

Their meaningless day-off turns out to be a catalyst no one could have ever foreseen. It's not anyone's fault, except maybe his own, but he just feels like it's always been inevitable, from day one. 

The morning is ironically typical, he wakes up early, only to remember it's not a school day but he has made plans with a few friends so he has to get up soon either way. It doesn't take him long to get ready and leave his home, inclined not to be late, he’s not in the mood to get an earful from Iwaizumi. They meet at the gate and exchange pleasantries, Iwaizumi pats on his back, strangely encouraging, which worries him more, does he really look that depressed? He can't tell, he doesn’t have enough time for introspection with their last chance at nationals approaching fast, masking an almost equally great worry of graduation. Even though he is looking forward to his future, he really loves high school, it's not easy for him to part with things that have been a part of his life for so long. That makes him needlessly sentimental, he knows, far more than he would like to be. He refrains from sharing his feelings with others for that would only make it worse and he instead focuses on what he can change, which is their history of failures before their high school life is a thing of the past. 

Soon, he starts to feel more alive watching the game, begrudgingly admits it’s the highlight of his week. One of the teams is pretty good, the issue is that their opponent isn't strong enough to make it exciting. Still, a game is a game, there's always a chance to analyze and learn. And no matter what, watching a volleyball game beats most anything. His good mood lasts until he notices a player that he reminds him of  _someone very specific;_ if he squinted and stared at his back only, he can even pretend that’s him. He isn't sure why he should _ever_  do something like that, but the thought is impossible to chase away once it registers. Oikawa ends up spending the whole duration of the game with his eyes transfixed on the Not-Kageyama's shoulders, unreceptive to everything else. He tries to tear his eyes away from him, but they are pulled back right away as if they can't free themselves from a magnetic field, and a sinking feeling in his stomach and a strong sense of doom looming over him tells him that this is merely the beginning of something he will not be able to control.

The match ends before he can pull himself out of the haze, though he doesn't think he would ever be able to, no matter how much he tried. He feels nothing about the result, he barely has a clue about who has even won. It's so unlike him to offer no comments, even their classmates who don't know him all that well keep sending worried looks which escapes his notice. He’s preoccupied with something akin to disappointment that the player isn't him, and that it is over so he can no longer stare at his back and think of someone else, someone who's always been further from him than he desired, but closer than he could ever stand. Iwaizumi finally asks him if he’s fine, he answers distractedly, _why wouldn’t I be when I'm out, having so much fun with you guys?_  But his voice sounds just so hollow, so fake that his friends shy away from asking anything more. They part ways soon, he turns to the road to home in the same hazy cloud, but once he’s in his room, the sinking feeling comes back much more violently to hit him like a shock wave, leaving him retching on the floor.

Then he feels surprised it has taken this long.

Once he gets over the initial shock, he's strangely calm. He looks at himself as if he’s inside a picture frame, a grotesque painting with bright yellow petals adorning the carpet he's sitting on in his room, he could even see the state of his own face as if he's just a spectator. What he feels is a distant sense of closure, like he’s getting closer to what he has been seeking, but this is just the reminder of his end, not a closure, as long as he doesn't have a death wish. Looking at the petals and blood tainting them, he wonders if it’s this violent already for that he has repressed the feeling for too long, but maybe he’s just that unlucky, this is the result of who he is, someone who can't do anything halfway, mild, in the middleground. He knows it should have happened when he first saw him in the practice, maybe even before, when he'd noticed a beautiful grumpy face from the corner of his eye in the entrance ceremony. He smiles sardonically at the memory, with a little bit of blood on his lips and the thin sheen of sweat on his face. Gaining some of his wits makes the pain more acute than before. In the afternoon session when  _he_  has turned into his biggest fear, Oikawa should have been more honest with himself, should have recognized another feeling hiding underneath, should have felt it all bubbling up, tearing him apart from inside with the acrid taste of jealousy and leave him weak with the desperation of never being good enough, now taking over with a vengeance. He could hate Kageyama for this, he should, but he's too tired, and this sickness in him that is a word he won't ever utter out loud makes him feel nauseous at the notion of hating him. Being in love with your enemy - your biggest rival - is surely nothing short of pathetic. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Do you know what's wrong with Oikawa?"

Iwaizumi shakes his head. While it's not a lie, it's not the whole truth. He had noticed his friend acting strange early on and spent the duration of the match keeping an eye on him. It's almost too easy to tell for someone who's been around Oikawa for more than ten years, from how few comments he had offered and how he had turned to look at him with glassy, blank eyes when Iwazumi asked if he was alright. Then it hadn't been so hard to see Oikawa's eyes trail one player for far too long to be considered natural. He usually follows the ball's trajectory with almost arrogant ease; there are not many great players in this league that can keep his attention for this long to begin with. When Iwaizumi studies the player himself, he is reminded of someone else entirely. Someone he knows Oikawa has been obsessed with for far too long, but Iwaizumi would never have dreamt that he could go as far as to fixate on people who look slightly alike. Before he can even discredit it  _-there's not that much of a resemblance even, this is ridiculous, this is nothing-_  the feeling of dread settles on him like a bad omen. He has enough reason to be so cautious - Kageyama is not just  _anyone._  He is possibly the worst candidate to be the recipient of such a vulnerable side of his friend, who tries so hard to cover up all his weaknesses, every single one of them tied to the younger boy. Such feelings are dangerous when it comes to him, especially if he is also right about the recipient of them - Oikawa may fake light-heartedness all he wants but Iwaizumi knows more than anyone how deep he really feels and how irrecoverable it is when he falls.

"I hope it's nothing serious.. the tournament is coming up."

Iwaizumi gets a little mad at the remark, he's not as ambitious and insensitive as to disregard his friend's well-being for the outcome of a match, but he knows Oikawa himself would care the most about it, so he refrains from snapping at the other. He prays that Karasuno would get eliminated far before they can meet this time. He does not want another meeting on edge while pretending it's all fine. Even without his current hunch, there's no denying that Oikawa's feelings of inadequacy inflames to a point of relinquishing the instinct of self-preservation whenever he meets the prodigy. It would do him no good for those complicated feelings to take a turn for the romantic. He has managed to hide how much he's affected by his presence from the boy himself, but it's not that he does such a fine job at it, it's just that the younger setter is blind to most things where feelings of others are concerned. But now that he's among friends who would be willing to show him the right way, Iwaizumi cannot trust them to not hit Oikawa where it hurts once they know how. He has never seen Kageyama malicious on purpose, but there's callousness in him that Oikawa cannot handle very well, even without the current possibility of something much more fragile than _rivalry_  existing between them. 

"Hey, you've become serious all of a sudden." 

Iwaizumi is shaken awake by his classmate's words, realizing how much he has conjured up in his head without proof. He quirks up a smile and assures the other, while on the road to home. There is nothing tangible to suggest that any of his fears are a reality, after all. Only a gut feeling. 

It will be all fine - with luck, they will not even play against Karasuno, and he will not have to witness Oikawa torture himself again.

 _Due to the rivalry only,_ he tells himself. _There's nothing else to worry about._

 

-

 

Kageyama hits the ball with all he has, alone in the gym, right after Tanaka breaks his and Hinata’s fight up. 

He is not going to lose this time - least of all due to someone else's blatant selfishness. Kageyama knows that this is nothing but  _that_  for Hinata; to stay on court, but offering no solution to the problem. The only reason they had chosen this way of performing the quick is for Hinata does not have the ability to do it in the way a competent player could yet and the only reason he had ever stepped on the court is due to their quick, which is enabled by his own accuracy and Hinata's surprisingly intense trust in him. Something held up by such thin thread could easily get undone. 

He will  _not_  lose again. _He will stay on court._ He had come _so_ close the last time, this  _has to_  be his chance to defeat his senior - then defeat Shiratorizawa. Then _the nationals._ This is how he'll get to experience that feeling for as long as he can, only by winning. He will be _the best_ and he will not be dragged away from the court - _that's all that matters._ He won't let _anything_  take away his chance.

He hits the ball too hard, and it's out of bounds. He needs to control himself better. 

There is no time for such quarrels.

No time for a distraction.

The feeling of defeat is still fresh in his mind, how Oikawa has won against him. It isn't just _that,_ either. Kageyama is well aware of his shortcomings and where Oikawa holds the advantage.  _His personality._  Seeing him get along so easily even with someone like Kunimi with whom Kageyama himself cannot ever reconcile nor would have any wish to do so has inflamed his desire to surpass him even more. He knows it’s silly and useless to compare people in ways that has to do with something like _a personality,_ but that just means that he has to find a way to make their team work just as efficient if he is ever to surpass him as a whole. Oikawa may already be saying that he cannot possibly toss as accurately as him without a hint of sarcasm but rather with something he recongizes as bitter self-deprecation, but that’s not enough - Kageyama would never be content with such a halfway victory. It has to be _whole._

Frustrated, he hits the ball again, this time, it's right on the line.

Sugawara has agreed with him, so has Ukai, he rationalizes. This is not him being too domineering or unresponsive to others' needs as he had done back then, in the middle school. He has actually listened to Hinata's request even though the possibility he could pull it off was low enough to disregard it completely; Kageyama still had tossed to him to prove the point. This is being accommodating, he thinks.

There's still that fear that he may come on too strong and ruin the team's dynamic himself, everytime he lashes out, he tries hard to control his temper and suppress his tendency to control everyone and everything, but this time he is backed up by others - he at least has learnt to pay heed to other’s words - by the coach, and by someone so mellow and so understanding of everyone else's wishes like Sugawara. He is in the right. He _must_ be.

But for some reason there's a gnawing feeling, a natural instinct he has, naturally aligning with Hinata's behaviour, telling him always to _push further, take risks, improve._  Except, this is not something only dependent on him, and he will not toss to someone he can't trust on court. Using Hinata in the way he demands to be used now is a suicide. He has given him a chance to try and prove that it was no fluke what he did once, even when Kageyama had known it was indeed one, and Hinata has failed to show that, spectacularly. If he cannot do it with him in the practice even once, he will never be able to do it in the heat of the match. The way their quick works is as miraculous as is, expecting more is simply unrealistic. He should be focusing on his general skills first, everyone in the team waiting for him to mess something basic like a serve is already infuriating enough. 

He practices even harder than usual that evening, alone, way into the dark. He gets a call from his mother eventually; she doesn't normally bother him, knowing what he is up to, but now she's worried since she's aware of his current troubles. Thus, when he goes home to see that his mother has left a small poster of a volleyball course right at the entrance, her words chime in his ear again, before that night, before he and Hinata fought. 

_How about asking an outsider? Both of you, other setter and the coach are involved in this. Why not get an objective opinion?_

_Maybe all of you are too afraid_  - she doesn't say the last part but that just is what has been on his mind. What holds him back is that their situation is already too unique and he isn't sure how an outsider can even form an opinion about it right off the bat, but after the fight and their incapability to solve the problem quickly on their own, he feels like he should give it a try. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...so you know they're gonna interact next chapter :3 
> 
> Btw, this is my explanation for that poster being at the entrance in Kageyama's house. That would be too much of a coincidence if it just was .. there? Right when Kageyama needed help from a "pro"?? I figure his mom was looking out for him <3
> 
> (also kageyama is jealous of oikawa getting along oh-so-well with everyone for *other* reasons but it'll get more obvious later OwO)

**Author's Note:**

> AHEM this will be long and painful (but I'll make the ending worth it I promise)


End file.
